I am an art major. I really love the Studio art program here at BYU, and I really love art. I have a bit of a problem, though, which is that I have a lot of difficulty producing artwork. Over the past year or two, it's gotten to the point where sitting down to draw something is extremely anxiety-triggering and I usually can't even handle it. Unless it's doodling; I like drawing weird crap out of my head, and it generally involves much less stress and pressure for me. But I want to get to a point where I can love the process of making art, or at least feel like I can function as an artist until the process becomes comfortable enough that I can work through it. Otherwise, what exactly can I claim to be doing here? It is something that I really want to be able to enjoy.
This spring semester, I took a two-week long class that was an art collaboration between BYU faculty and students, and a dozen artists from Liverpool and one from New Zealand. It was so fun! I loved the people I got to meet and the fantastic camping trip we went on together. I knew when I signed up that I would enjoy it. Primarily, though, I enrolled as a challenge to myself. I would have to produce some art by the end of the course, whether I felt capable or not. We went camping in southern UT, and then upon our return we had three days to make pieces for our show that would open that Thursday. It was so hard! I became really sick, too, and only got a few hours of sleep each night. By Wednesday I was kicking myself, thinking, if I can't even make art for fun, what made me think I could make gallery-worthy art in three days with materials and methods I've never used?! I made it, though. And in the end, I was very dissatisfied with my piece; in the making of it I encountered many agonizing little failures, and the result lacked a lot of what I'd hoped to include and was pretty low quality. But I did make it, and I can acknowledge that as a milestone on my road to becoming a artist who makes art. I've decided not to think about that ugly piece shipping over and showing in Liverpool, and just consider it another step taken.
I've got some thoughts about how to get the wheels turning and the juices flowing again. There are some ideas and media that I want to explore. Sometimes I can think more about it without wigging out, and I get this feeling that I'll be able to make things I can love and be proud of down the road.
In the meantime, all I have to show for myself is doodly drawings and lots of photos. I love photography, and I'm very grateful to have that creative outlet in my life. Taking pictures is very engaging and challenging for my eyes and brain, but still relaxing and fun without fears attached.
Here are some things.
I drew the screaming toe freshman year. I was actually drawing a stuffed giraffe I sewed out of polka dot socks, starting with his button eye, when the button got messed up and it turned into a mouth.
This is Ernesta and All Her Ghosties. I drew her two summers ago with Magic Scent Markers on the back of a handout during the 2-week-long, 8-hours-a-day, boring-as-heck training at the Utah State Developmental Center.
I'm quite a bit in love with the magnolia tree on the north side of the HFAC.
Holy crap, that seagull just popped into a wormhole between shots 2 and 3!
Cross-processed film, SupaSampla camera, Cali '09.
A Raucous Raven.
Chukars, chukars, everybody loves chukars!!
That was for you, roomies!
Ok, there weren't any buffalo anywhere in this post.